girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize