you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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