i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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