And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize