I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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