My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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