my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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