it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize