I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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