Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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