every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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