I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize