Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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