porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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