he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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