Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize