Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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