dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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