All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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