the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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