Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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