So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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