Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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