My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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