you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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