Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
FUCK WHALES
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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