I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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