After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize