Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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