If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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