I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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