The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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