1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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