Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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