Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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