i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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