Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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