I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize