When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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