get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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