If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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