dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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