I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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