my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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