I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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