Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All the doctor said was why
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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