I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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