They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize