You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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