And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize